Squinter

Still holding out for a hero

By Squinter

YOU all know Diamond Dan, don’t you? He’s the child-friendly face of the Orange Order who appeared out of nowhere a few years back to herald the birth of Orangefest – a vision of the Twelfth without the tattoos and

carry-outs.

The Orange Order explained at the time that the new character was designed to reflect the essential decency of the Order.  “He’s the kind of person who offers his seat on a crowded bus to an elderly lady. He won’t drop litter and he will be keen on recycling.” The proud history of the Order was carefully maintained, however, through the new superhero’s name: Diamond, for the name of the battle which gave birth to Orangeism, and Dan for Dan Winter, one of the Order’s founders.

Squinter had assumed that since Diamond Dan came on the scene some four years back, he’s been quietly and happily patting Protestant schoolkids on the head and saving Orange kittens stuck up Fenian trees. So how horrified is Squinter to learn that, in fact, Diamond Dan is not all that he seems; he’s not the lantern-jawed hero that Schomberg House would have had us believe. In fact, not to put too fine a point on it, Diamond Dan is dodgy.

It seems that he’s a straight rip-off of the ‘Super Guy’ cartoon character created by English illustrator Dan Bailey. After a bit of tweaking, the ‘SG’ logo on Super Guy’s chest disappeared to be replaced by an Orange sash and the purple star from the Orange Order fleg.

When alerted to the, ah, difficulty, the Orange  Order said they hoped to sort out any copyright difficulties that may have arisen, but at present, in the Year of Our Lord 2012, Diamond Dan seems to have disappeared from the Orange scene. A search for Diamond Dan on the OO website turns up only a fridge magnet in the gift shop section.

It seems the Orange Order is a cold house for superheroes.

This just in: The Order tells Squinter that a separate licence has been purchased for Diamond Dan and he will be used this year to promote messages about litter etc among young people. He’ll need to be busy on the Lisburn Road if past experience is anything to go by.

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